What is PCIT?
I’ve shared a bit about what PCIT is on my services page, but I love it so much that I think it needs its own blog post! I have had the honor of watching PCIT be a positive and effective intervention for so many families over the past few years, and I’m hoping I can shed a bit of light onto the benefits of this treatment model.
Let me ask a few questions before we keep going:
Do you feel like you are CONSTANTLY repeating yourself with very little reward or pay off?
Do you feel like the only way to get any sort of compliance is by using bribery?
Do you feel like you have no control in managing behavior and that your child runs the house?
Does it feel like your child only listens to you AFTER you yell which then leads you to feel guilty and ashamed because yelling doesn’t feel good?
Do you feel like you resent your child because you feel like you can never actually enjoy them?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, I see you and hear you. I know that answering these questions may have brought up a lot of discomfort, and I thank you for answering them honestly.
PCIT, at the heart, is about building consistent and positive interaction between children and parents/caregivers. It’s incredible to see how much impact positive attention can have on young children who often are looking for ways to get their needs met in whatever way they can…which can sometimes look like temper tantrums and other attention seeking behaviors (yelling, screaming, defiance, lying, purposefully doing tasks very slowly etc). The language we use as adults and parents matters. Sometimes our intention isn’t to be negative or demanding, but we’re trying to juggle 300 things at once like cooking dinner, cleaning the house, doing homework, working, answering calls and texts, grocery shopping, keeping the kids from fighting, finding 2 minutes of uninterrupted time to just “be” (and the list truly goes on and on), and we resort to yelling or bribing or shutting down because those are the only things that feel at least somewhat effective. I want you to know that you are not alone! Kids are hard!! They have their own ideas and voices and want to be heard and they want to be heard NOW! Often young children don’t know how to communicate what they actually want, so they seek out ways to get the message across in the best way they can. PCIT is all about finding that sweet balance of allowing independence and exploration, while also having consistent structure and boundaries.
The first phase of PCIT focuses on strengthening the parent child relationship through child-led play. Parents use a set of PCIT skills to allow specific and intentional time for the child to be in charge. You heard it- the child is in charge! Sounds scary right?? Trust me, it’s not so bad! What ends up happening, is that parents are able to provide positive attention for appropriate behaviors, which encourages the use of those behaviors and increases confidence in the child’s ability to trust themselves and their own decision making. Parents begin to feel relief and joy through play, and children feel validated and attended to in a new and different way.
The second phase of PCIT is about parents setting appropriate and consistent expectations and boundaries that help manage behavior in a safe and effective way. Since we already have the foundation of a strong attachment between the child and parent, this second phase helps parents feel more in charge, and reduces anger and frustration for both the child and parent- children know what to expect, and parents have increased confidence in how to manage behavior.
My most successful PCIT clients have consisted of multiple caregiver involvement (if there is more than one caregiver), and parent/caregiver commitment to do the daily FIVE MINUTE special play time homework. With these two pieces, PCIT can be a wonderfully effective tool.
If you have a child aged 2-7 years old with behaviors that are hard to manage and you’re feeling defeated, overwhelmed, and find that you are constantly redirecting your child, PCIT may be a good fit for you and your family. Feel free to reach out to set up a free 15 minute consultation call if you are located in Pennsylvania, or visit pcit.org to find a provider near you.
*I have met all training requirements and am certified in PCIT